How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
