Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
