I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
no, he came in my armpit
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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