Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
