i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
