I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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