You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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