i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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