i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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