I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
