I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize