This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
