I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
