this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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