be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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