I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
