i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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