No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
