Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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