umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
