I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
