i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
