Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
