I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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