just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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