I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
