nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
