That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
