Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
