Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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