About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
