How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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