Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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