guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
