what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
