if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
