I'm lost and stupid without you.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize