So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I could fuck to npr.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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