I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
