I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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