She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize