Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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