why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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