I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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