i jhust puked up my retainher.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
