I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
