Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
