Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize