I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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