Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
