Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
