I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
