cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
third nipple confirmed
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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