U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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