Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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