No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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