a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
