I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
