Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
