Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
