I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
