I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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