i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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