Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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