He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
