I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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