so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
