I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
