she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
