Duck Duck Cougar?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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