I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
