My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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