I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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