His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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