jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
