Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
