it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
