I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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