I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
