She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
